My Diagnosis February 22nd 2016 and beyond
When I was diagnosed with Lymphoma on the fateful day, above, I kind of already knew that was what the consultant was going to say. Unfortunately I find the “C” word (not the extremely rude one, I can’t abide) hard to spit out and it smacks me in the face, when anybody says it within my hearing.
Surprisingly, at that moment, I didn’t actually sit there and think “It’s inside myself” – a fleeting thought in my head is quickly smashed into an imaginary bin.
Mum cried, Dave cried, Dave went to cuddle her, the consultant left the room to get THE book on Mantle Cell Lymphoma, we’ll call it MCL – I call it Mickey. Mum said “I’m OK it’s alright. Dave stepped back and sat down. Me…….. I sat there thinking it’s fine, I can do this, I’m strong, maybe stronger than I’ve ever been, I have to, to keep my family going, falling at the first hurdle, is not an option.
If somebody had said to me “you will be the one out of two who’ll get it”, I would have said “yeah, I know”. Since way back in my teens I always thought,…. no knew – I’d never reach old age, never imagined myself as a pensioner, retired, rambling to the finishing line.
Presently in “limbo land” – that’s what the Lymphoma site calls it. what stage is it 1,2,3,or4 right now, I don’t know, except my lymph nodes in my groin feel as if they are boiling away beneath my skin, and sometimes I can’t keep my eyes open, so exhausted that curling up on the sofa looks like a comforting idea. Stage 4 it is – watch and wait, actively observe, no pressure there then.
My GP has announced, after more blood tests, that I’m in the menopause, and for some strange reason I have only 60% of vitamin D in my body.
Now there is a shift in my attitude. Which symptoms are which? Such as night sweats, fevers mirror each diagnosis.
Changing my diet has been the hardest thing to do, so far. Dumping boxed meals, eating healthier, resulting in packing in more calories, which in turn has resulted in a 6lb gain in weight, which is depressing more than anything else at this present time. I choose to walk as much as I can, even if it leads to aching limbs, hips, pelvis and nodes. If I don’t guilt and disgust build up inside my head.
The cauldron is spewing out and the ailments are going round and round inside, turbulent, mixing each one intertwining with each other.